Time to pull my head out the sand and grab my boots traps
Nothing's changed legally, and I know I should have made some progress by now; but maybe I'm dragging my feet because I'm too old to have a temper tantrum and scream FUCK out loud for a few hours. Because that's what I'd like to do.
I'm ANGRY that he thought it was easier to walk away, to start up with someone new, no MATTER HOW BAD IT WAS; rather than go to the counseling that I BEGGED him to go to with me.
Foolishly thought I was all done with the crying. Oh was I so, so wrong.
The triggers: first a session with Mickey and the counselor; then a conversation with George about the furnace/ AC/ hot water heater replacement where he reminded me that it's my house now and he's not living there. And then said we might as well do the whole thing and do it right while simultaneously reminding me that it will run down our savings and he has to pay for a place to live now. Oh, he agreed to pay for the whole thing with no argument, it was the reminder that he's getting his own place that set me off.
SFS (A Shitfuckstack)
(That was yesterday...)
And today....
Fuckkkk fuckkk, fuckkk. FUCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!
A bunch of things happened tonight which have me pissed, bawling, feeling raw and angry; but what kills me is that despite the fact that I have said NOTHING to the kids about G having a girlfriend, the kids know. He apparently told them on Saturday, but E knew already because a friend of hers at camp mentioned that she and her parents were on the boat (MY BOAT!) with G and "L".
That makes me even more angry. I feel like screaming from the fucking rooftop that he is a cheating bastard and started this before he left me.
He says I "abandoned" him, I say I left him alone partly because he wanted that and partly out of self-preservation. I mean, how close and intimate would *you feel towards someone who belittles you, bullies you, and casts you aside?
*I was unhappy too, but I loved him.
And I believed in our vows - "til death do us part", "for better or for worse"
Yeah, I'm feeling raw right now.
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I'm really sorry you are dealing with this. Because of his stupidity, it really is his loss. {{{Hugs}}}
ReplyDeleteYou don't deserve this and things will get better. It may be hard now but I believe God has a better plan for you. We are sending so much love your way!
ReplyDeleteTake care of yourself and call if you need to talk.
Poor girl!
ReplyDeleteIt does get better. Not so much easier. And not even quickly.
And to be totally honest, even now, more than a year later, I almost always say "fucker" after I hang up with my ex.
But you're a strong woman and you can do this. And you can also say Fuck fuck fuckity fuck all you want if that's what helps.
Man, I'd like to run over G WITH A GIANT BUS. And BULL SHIT to the "it takes 2" ...he was NEVER home!! HELL! You did everything. I know, I saw it.
ReplyDeleteFuck him.
" for better or worse" doesn't include the shit he has done to you!
ReplyDelete