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I get it.
But when a therapist tells my 14 year old that they will not share with *me; the parent, the woman who birthed you, the parents who are responsible for you legally, spiritually, physically, emotionally; the things you tell them in counseling sessions, that is just crap.
I don't think my minor child should have any expectations of privacy under these circumstances.
I want to know what he's thinking.
I want to know what he resents, what's angry about, what he fears.
I *need to know what he's thinking.
And you know what? There are a lot of things we, as parents, as adults; make our children do that they would rather not, but it's good for them so we make them do it.
I think sharing what they reveal/ learn/share/ discover in counseling is one of those things.
So, yeah, I think the fact that HIPPA laws shut out parents in this circumstance sucks.
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Can't your son waive his privacy rights? I thought there was a form for that.
ReplyDeleteNot that he'd *want* to waive those rights, but I thought it was theoretically possible.
Though, I must say, at one point in my early teens, my parents put me in therapy and at the end of each session, I would be told to wait out in the lobby while my mom went in, sat down and had a lengthy conversation with the counselor during which she was told *everything* I had said. I resented the hell out of that, especially as my mother would summarily *punish* me for things I'd said to the counselor, and after a few weeks, I just flat out refused to talk to the counselor any more.
Perhaps if what I'd been discussing with the counselor had been between us only and my mom hadn't been privy, I might've been able to actually work through some things and had less of a struggle later on in my teenage years.
So, maybe hold on to that thought - that the sessions might do more good for your son since he knows he can say anything to the therapist, and hopefully the therapist does his/her job and really helps him to work through whatever it is he's going through that is prompting this behavior....
I'd be right there with you though, wanting to know everything my kid was saying. Now that I'm a mom, I can see why *my* mom wanted to know, for sure! I just remember being on the kid end of things and how much more it made me resent her for not allowing me that privacy.
Let him have his privacy. It's the only way he can honestly talk about what's going on for him. And once he starts talking, he'll start figuring things out, which leads to understanding. Once he understands what leads him to the choices he makes, he'll be able to make better decisions. I know this sounds all la la and sugary, but I believe it to be true. Therapy works, but only if you trust the person you're talking to.
ReplyDeleteHe may not be sure yet himself what he really resents or feels angry about. For right now it may just be good that he is cooperating. I know I was worried because when she could not justify herself, my daughter would sometimes make things up. The therapists' she saw seemed to understand that. The hard part was that after once or twice visiting a therapist she would refuse to go along with it. We went through 4. Our pastor (who had a degree in counciling)One that was part of a resource program at her school and 2 private. If he trusts this therapist you may not want to jeopardize that.
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